Bachmann creeps out her own kids

Like any good religious nutjob, she has an above-average number. Unlike most religious nutjobs, she wrote a letter for Christmas of 2003 that was disturbingly sexual about some of her children and just disturbing about her ambitions for others. The MSP City Pages has the whole thing, but some highlights:

  • Son Harrison, 16, is referred to as Utter Perfection, in caps, and as a “female fatasy treasure.”
  • Daughter Caroline, age not specified, “pulls her jeans over 14″ hips” and would be called Caroline the Vibrant if she happened to be one of Henry VIII‘s wives. Two of whom he executed, BTW, and two others of whom he dumped.
  • Daughter Eliza, 13, is already a great future wife because she’s so organized! She is also praised for her modesty.
  • Son Lucas, premed at the time, is described as a “chick magnate.” (Maybe he had a work-study job as a pimp?) But Bachmann did make sure to point out that his future wife would be expected to pick up after him and “run his life.” A compelling advertisement.
  • The youngest daughter, Sophia, is spared the creepy sexual talk because someone will need to care for their parents in their old age. Actual quote: “A hundred years ago families designated a sacrifice lamb that forsook marriage in favor of caring for aging parents.” This is not actually true, but even if it were, not everything from 100 years ago merits celebration or imitation. E.g., lynchings, routine deaths during childbirth.

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